50 Shades of Gay

The book 50 Shades of Grey...fucking sucked! What the hell? Who wants to be treated like a mixture of an obedient dog and a 5 year old? Is that attractive? I didn't think so but apparently I'm a minority in that one.

You have one character who is this innocent virgin and within like a week or two of meeting this guy she just gives it up and starts some crazy s&m relationship...is that supposed to be even remotely believable?! This guys totally fucked in the head too. I don't want a fucking nut job I have to fix just so he can be not even close to slightly normal. That's a lot of stupid work for not a very good payoff.

Plus it's going to be a movie...seriously?! That just doesn't seem like it's going to work if it's not a porno. Either way, I don't feel very interested in it. Watching some control freak, stalker, obsessive, douche bag of a guy isn't really high on my list. I just don't understand the popularity. At all.

Slackers can go suck a nut!

I may be one of two people at my place of business that doesn't sit on their ass when there's some down time. This isn't what upsets me. I could care less really if you want to be a lazy ass. What I don't like is that I work my ass off cleaning up after these bitches and then after I have worked my ass off I am the one to get the lecture about "If you have some time you could always clean or organize that area or you could do this or you could do that or blah blah blah fucking blah"...

GO FUCK YOURSELVES! I am so fucking sick of cleaning up after everyone else's bullshit messes only to get shit put on me like I'm the one sitting around doing jack shit.

Also, doesn't it always seem like the one second you actually stop and take a little bit of a break that is the exact moment that one of your bosses walks by. Then of course they think you're a slacker even though you took a two minute rest after scrubbing a fucking mixer for two hours. Bullshit.

Basically, I'm on the verge of either being a slacker or exploding on somebody if they ever try to make it seem like I don't pull my own fucking weight around that place. So yes, all those people can go suck a nut I'm fed up with it.

Kissing Ass, And Why It's NOT Okay

So, tonight my mom wanted me to go the casino with her. I say okay, fine, i'll go. Even though I HATE going. I don't like her to go alone, and she refuses to carry a cell phone.

So i'm talking to my best friend Sara on the phone, and talking to another good friend of mine over facebook. Well mom keeps harassing me "Are you ready? ARE YOU READY YET?!?" and finally Sara says "I'll let you go, I can hear your mom in the background." So I get off the phone, and i'm pulling on my shoes. So i'm typing goodbye to Jermaine, and I guess considering I didn't hop up and rush out the door right THEN, mom got all pissy. She says "I'll see you when ever I get back" and slams the door behind her.

Well, i'll admit that I have a short fuse. And it ticked me off, because I was only gonna go for HER and she's acting like I should just bow down and give her whatever she wants. So I get up, open the door and yell "I can't say goodbye to my friend? Fine, go by yourself" and slam the door shut again. And she left.

And now i'm feeling guilty about it, but at the same time I feel like she could've handled the situation better too. And now i'm gonna worry about her, because she has heart problems. But I can only bend so much.

I'm almost 23 years old, and i'm telling you this:

Don't let your parents continue to control you after you turn of age. Because when you finally decide that enough is enough, they don't like it. Especially if you've live out on your own, and you know how to take care of yourself, and you don't need their opinions anymore. They HATE it. And you're life will be hell.

Just tellin' it like it is.

Deadliest Warrior

I'll just talk about Deadliest Warrior since I have been watching it lately. Basically they put two warriors against each other. Like the samurai vs. the viking. Who would win? They do tests of the armor and weapons and compute who would win. (Samurai won that battle of course) But one episode chose to pit the IRA (Irish Republican Army) against the Taliban. Now most of the episodes had been purely educational and entertaining. This one seemed...a little bit on the....controversial side.

Now I get that the Taliban is an actual group of "warriors" and I understand that the show is all about showcasing different types of people and fighting styles. This however seemed to cross a line slightly. Perhaps I may just be slightly touchy about the subject but while the Taliban are still trying to destroy US soldiers I think it may have been pushing it. They couldn't find a different group to go against the IRA than the Taliban?

This isn't even the worst part of the episode though. One of the two Taliban "experts" was bad mouthing the IRA guy and talking up the Taliban. That was a little bit over the top. He was actually bragging about how good the Taliban were at taking out soldiers. The only redeeming thing about the episode was that the Taliban lost to the IRA.

I'm still feeling slightly in shock after watching that though. Mostly just because of the guy bragging about how awesome the Taliban is. I don't find Guerrilla warfare particularly amusing so the whole episode was a little bit irritating but at least the lesser of two evils took the title.

Men are the Complicated Ones

I love how men like to act like women are mysteries. Like we come from a different planet (Sorry, I don't buy the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" bullshit). The truth is? Men are lazy.

Correct me if i'm wrong, but 85% percent of relationships work because of women. Women want their men to be happy, but men? They don't care. They don't put any effort into the relationship at all. Sure, they'll say something nice every now and then, just to get us off their backs. But women aren't stupid. We know they don't mean it.

Honestly, what happened to bringing your woman flowers, just because it was a Monday? Or planning something special, just because you know she'll love you more for it? Or going to see a chick flick, just because it's the type of movie she likes? I know that i've went and watched plenty of slasher flicks, even though I hate the sight of blood, because it's what HE wanted to see. Or I ate chinese food for the 5th night in a row, just because HE loves sesame chicken. Or I went to Henry Hudsons for a date, even though I could have picked a place I would have enjoyed more.

Where is the effort guys? And don't pull the "she's too picky!" crap either. Sure, there are some major bitches out there, but most of us just want to know that you're thinking about us. Don't get me wrong, it has to go both ways. It's supposed to be "give and take".

I've asked several of my exes, and even my guys friends, what does it take to make men happy. All of them told me the same thing. "Sex and beer." I wonder why my relationships didn't last? XD

The truth is, men are never satisfied. And i'm allowed to rant and offend people because this is what we do on this blog. Just so ya'll know, anyways...

We take care of you. You're not happy. We give you whatever you want. You're not happy. Which is why I will stand by my theory of geeks are the best way to go. If they aren't used to getting female attention, they'll treat you better and stand by you. All you pretty boys can fuck off.

Just sayin'.

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Switzerland my ass...

Who the fuck wasn't able to decide between Edward and dumbfuck Jacob?! Yes I am blogging about a book and yes I find that I am completely passionate about my hate towards a fictional character but come on!

I was all for the Jacob character at the beginning of New Moon and then he turned into a different character. One I couldn't respect anymore. He was just so...needy and aggressive. Im all for going after something you want but if that something doesn't want you back you should leave it alone. Especially if you're only hurting it even more. Who does that to somebody they "love"?

That wasn't all that drove me to really dislike the character though. It was more of a personality/demeanor thing for me. His actions spoke louder than anything and he was a grade A douche bag. He forced himself on Bella on more than one occasion and continually tried to push past her boundaries. He was also very contradicting. He would call Edward out on leaving Bella when he did the same thing. His reason? To protect her maybe? Well that was Edward's reason so what's the difference? He constantly forced ultimatum's on her and then pouted when he wouldn't get his way.

Bella, in my opinion, was far too lenient on him. If her reasoning was because he was her friend she should have maybe learned the definition of a friend. I wouldn't categorize Jacob as a friend by the end of the series. Everything he did in Breaking Dawn that could have been considered friendly was mostly done with Renesmee in mind, not Bella.

That's another thing. He was such an ass to Bella when it came to Renesmee. She wasn't his, she was Bella and Edward's. He had no right to try to keep her away from Bella. Then to give her a nickname, especially one as stupid as Nessie, who the fuck did he think he was?! That's not his kid!

In general I just say fuck Jacob! He's an annoying, self-righteous, pious, rude, arrogant, cocky, dumbfuck pompous ass. I am so beyond glad that Bella had enough sense to choose Edward in the end, even if she was a complete idiot for being torn between the two in the first place. And so I will end my rant saying Jacob nearly made me quit reading the entire series. Stephenie maybe went a little overboard with how shitty of a character she created.

How to Deal with a Fat Ass Bitch.

At least once in everyone's lifetime, you'll come across some fat ass bitch who thinks she rules the world. Oh sure, she'll be sweet to your face (while she has sweets in HER face), but if you look real close in her eyes, you can see those wheels turning. Wondering how she can make your life miserable, because she wants to see just how far she can push you before you snap.

I'm not sure why some people are like that. Why certain people get enjoyment out of other peoples misery. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Especially if you haven't done anything to deserve it. So i'm going to reveal the big secret about dealing with people like this (although if you're dealing with a fat ass, you could probably hold food above them and make them do tricks. Just sayin).

I'm sure everyone has heard the old saying "Bully a bully". Or "take a bull by the horns". This is very very true in situations where some fat ass thinks he/she is a bad ass. You're probably asking yourself "what if I hate confrontation?". The truth is, the bully is probably afraid of confrontation too. But they think because of their size (still assuming it's a fatty), people will back down. Here is one simple truth:

THE FATTER THEY ARE, THE HARDER THEY FALL.

I mean sure, i'm not going to be unrealistic and say that they couldn't squash you like a pancake. I mean, take one look at those extra rolls on the arms (y'know the ones. Where fattys can clap with no hands if they swing their arms real hard) and you know you'll be down for the count. But honestly, you'll never know what a difference you can make if you don't try.

Nothing will change. Ever. Not if no one stands up to them, and let them know just how full of shit they are. Sure, you might get a black eye. A few broken ribs. Maybe some bite marks on your ankle. But is putting up with it, worth your dignity?

I dedicate this blog post to someone who I think would rather remain nameless. XD